Short stay

So she's back in LA for the weekend for her mom's birthday. If I suspected she would even for a second see me I would be ecstatic... I did ask if she wanted to get some coffee but the answer as usual was ... ( I can't even remember because bullshit only works so much). She was stuck in traffic so we chatted for a while with her complaining about how she would never live her again and I indulged her because its her way of distancing her self from whats going on with her family. I can't blame her because I would have left home too when my parents split, but I stayed for my grandparents (and I have never regretted that decision). She got away because she could, but I think my path was difficult for me let alone my brother. I still feel bad that my older brother could never cope with our parents split the way I did, but what can I say the way I coped with there split was brutal and in humane and yet I did it to my self, I did it to my soul and I never regret it. I have very little of my heart left because most of it I gave to her and she chooses to waste it and let it die away (so be it). The little bit that is left serves very little. The only other rational, and intelligent person I know and she had to be a beautiful girl who I would fall head over ass for. Her flight back is on Monday and then it will be what it was, just a jumble of thoughts, emotions, wants, needs, greed, and heart ache. A man who was a charlatan once said my kidney problems were because of love... how cruel life would be if that stupid man was correct.